Virginity

It is the question that everyone seems to want to know, are you a virgin or not. If the answer is not, the question then is, why not. I am religious, so it is easy for me to say I am a virgin because of my religion. But for those who aren't religious, how would they answer? The reason I bring this up is because I got asked a few days ago if I was a virgin and why hadn't I had sex. What is the simple answer? If you say you've had sex, are you automatically cool? Or by saying you are a virgin, are you automatically lame? There is so much pressure. I am nothing until I have a boyfriend and I am nothing to that boyfriend unless I am willing to have sex. But why? Why can't it be easy for me to say I am waiting until marriage? Why does it always seem like as soon as I say something along those lines, people instantly stop talking and act all odd around me? The same with girls who have had sex with more than one guy everyone seems to label them a slut. You can never win!... it is okay to have sex, but it is not okay to be pressured into sex, but yet most people who I know who have had sex, have been underage and therefore pressured. It is okay to say NO, and if a guy says something along these lines, "you would if you loved me," simply be brave and say "if you loved me you would wait". As I said it is okay to have sex as long as you are comfortable and it is also okay to be a virgin if that is what you want.

This also brings up another matter, guys. You are not cool just because you have had sex and you are not a loser because you haven't. Being a virgin myself, I tend to respect guys who are also virgins and who are willing to admit that they are. My sisters EX boyfriend was 22 and he was still a virgin, and yet the whole time they were dating he let my sister believe that he had, had sex before. When they had broken up, he told her he was still a virgin. My sister couldn't believe he had lied to her for so long, a 6 month relationship and the whole time she thought he wasn't a virgin. She talked to me about it and said that she constantly felt like he was pressuring her to have sex, and that if he had told her he was a virgin she would have respected him, because she knows how hard that is for a guy. It takes a lot of courage to say you are a virgin, but if you find the right person they will not judge you for your choice.

Virginity is a special thing, just look at the girl who has put her virginity up for auction and ended up getting something like $3.7 million for it, if someone is willing to pay that much for someone's virginity it has to be an important thing, right?
Well I suppose you can make your own decisions, but I know that from now on I am not going to care when people ask me if I am a virgin, and I am not going to use the excuse that I am religious even though that is the truth, it just doesn't seem right. Instead I am going to say "Yes I am a virgin, because I am not ready to have sex, and won't be ready until I am married." it won't matter what their reaction is, because I will be able to deal with it.


Anyway I got an email from my half sister on Sunday, she sent it to Jane and I. My family history is that I have a half brother who I grew up with and who kinda sucked as an older brother, but I will always love him for trying to protect Jane and I when we were kids. I have a full blooded older sister named Jane, it sounds bad but I love her more than I love any of my other siblings, the two people I love the most in the world are my mum and Jane. Anyway, Jane and I also have another half sibling, she is our sperm donors (This is how we refer to our biological father) daughter, both Jane and I have only met her once in our whole lives, that was only for one day on her birthday. Anyway, we don't know anything about her, and because of this I unfortunately don't love her and honestly if something happened to her I wouldn't feel to much. Jane and I have been through a lot in our lives, and our half sister hasn't been through as much, but she has still had a hard life because of the sperm donor. He didn't believe she was his daughter for years and made her get a DNA test (sick bastard) even though he said on her birth certificate that he would look after her for the rest of his life. The poor girl had to prove that she was related to the bastard why anyone would want to be related to him I will never know, I think her mum just wanted the money. Anyway I never really thought much about her, I mean I had Jane and as far as I was concerened she was the only sister I ever needed.
So we get this email from our long lost sister, and she tells us a little about her past and how she has just had a baby and that Bec and I are officially Aunties. So I have been talking to mum more about it, and she has told me quite a lot about what other stuff the sperm donor did to our sister that just makes me hate him even more. I think about it though and she is actually lucky she never had the creep as a father, I mean Jane and I did and it was the most painful childhood. I know it must of been hard not having a father, but it was about 100 times worse having our father. She might have felt terrible that this guy didn't want to be a part of her life, but it feels much worse to have a father who is sick in the head and treats you like you are no better than garbage and who eventually chooses drugs over you. I mean he chose another family over her, which is hurtful, but it better then feeling like you are a piece of shit everyday and then finally one day that person who will never love you like a father should decides to pick drugs over you. I have been left with serious emotional scars from him and like I commented in an older post feel like I am drowning. She really was really the one who escaped a terrible childhood.
Anyway I don't know what to do about this new discovery. She seems really nice, but do I really want her to be a part of my life. I mean this is my chance to know her, and I don't know if I want to. I haven't even spoken to Jane about it, I have barely spoken to her since she moved out and I miss her. I want her to decide for me. It sounds bad, considering my last post, but this isn't a decision I can make alone, and I am not sure I want to make it at all. The sperm donor caused me to go into depression and I have finally started to get better, much better in fact. I am happy, really happy and I don't want this happiness to be like Charlie Brown happiness, I want it to stay this way. I don't want to forget my childhood, but I don't want to relive it like I did for so many years. So I have to do what is best I guess, even though I am not sure what that is yet. I will know soon enough.